So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
