At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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