Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
