WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
