Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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