It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
