when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
