I'm passing your future prison.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
