um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
