i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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