as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
