Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
