it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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