No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
