So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
