i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
