I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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