I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
