I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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