i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
