I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
