imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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