Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
