32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
