wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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