You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
