Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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