The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
