i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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