sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
