Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
