cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
