Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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