wrigley field is MILF paradise
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
