I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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