Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
