HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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