do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
