LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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