Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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