apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
