I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
