I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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