you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
