I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Less talking, more tequila
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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