HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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