Apparently you make a good broom.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
