Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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