i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
