I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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