I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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