I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Randomize
