She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
