Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
