i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
