omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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